Confessions of an Urban Principal/ A Guardian Without Immortal Powers

by Frank Murphy

Installment 6 of 9

Isaiah plopped down into my desk chair and pretended to be the boss.  I could see both the shyness of a boy and the social confidence of a young man in his smiling face.  I pretended to be stern as I directed him to give up my seat.  Isaiah laughed as he moved over to the sofa.   He practically fell into it.

“Your father told me that you didn’t get accepted to the prep school.  That stinks.  How are you feeling?”

His smile faded.   His head bowed and his eyes searched the floor.  I have seen children do this so many times before when they are asked a question that makes them feel uncomfortable.

“I don’t know”, he reluctantly responded.

“I would guess that you are feeling awfully disappointed.”

He didn’t immediately reply.   I continued to talk.

“You’ve gotten into quite a few messes these last few days.  Do you think you’re making  trouble because you’re a little angry?”

“Maybe.”  This time his response was barely audible.

“ Sure, it’s a disappointment.   I know how much you were looking forward to going there.”

Lifting up his head, Isaiah looked directly at me. “I guess I’m mad.  But I try to talk to myself in my head.  I try to be like my own counselor.”

“Have you talked to anyone else beside yourself about your feelings, like maybe your father?”

“No.”
“Talking  to another person can help you sort your feelings out.  It is a way of dealing with your anger that won’t get you into trouble.”

Isaiah started let his guard down.   He told me about how much he had been looking forward to the prep school, how much he has worked to control his temper and to do better in school.  He was so disappointed.

I tried to console him.  “Sometimes what we want to happen doesn’t always work out the way we want it to.   I feel bad for you.  This will hurt for a while but it will get better.  I know it will get better from my own experiences with disappointments. You are a special person.  You are smart and funny.  You have a lot of heart.  You’re going to have a great life.  It will get better, I promise you.  But while you are waiting don’t make your life worse.  Control your temper.  Stay out of trouble.  Keep talking to yourself.  I’m looking forward to seeing you walk down the aisle at graduation.  Don’t mess it up.”

For a few seconds Isaiah just stared at me.   Then the smile returned to his face.  He assured me that he was going to behave.  We talked for a little while longer.  He was laughing and clowning when I finally put him out of my office.

Giving guidance to my children underlies most of what I do as an educator.   I spend much of my time pointing them in the direction of the high road of life.  I warn them,  “Stay away from the edges.  Be careful.  Don’t fall off the cliff.  Slow down!  Don’t be so quick to follow behind someone else’s bad idea.   Hurry up!  There is much for you yet to learn”.  My students mainly listen.  But despite all of my best efforts, some children do fall. Each one of these lost children is a painful reminder of how fragile life is. I so much don’t want Isaiah to be one of the fallen.  It is exhausting being a guardian without immortal powers.

Soon after his departure, I received a call from the Assistant District Attorney who is handling Philip’s case.  She had talked to the Public Defender.  Philip was going to agree to accept a consent decree.   I won’t have to go back to the victim’s waiting room after all.

I was happy for Philip. Juvenile court is the best institution in this city that can offer a good array of services to children in desperate need of help.  Philip has been brutalized by the circumstance in which he lives.  His alcoholic father often beat him with an electric cord.  His mother suffers from mental health issues of her own.  The children of these parents are now in the care of the state.   I don’t know why Philip’s mother and father are the way they are.  What I do know is that they have five children who have serious problems of their own.  Hopefully someone will catch them before they fall.    I wish Philip well and I hope he gets the help he needs.